It Felt Like Half Of Me Died All Over Again

Life. what do I know much about the real meaning of it.

If I had to make my own understanding from it, I would definitely say, life is full of surprises and those not always a good thing now isn't it? And I think life is also full of disappointment, and that is definitely  the results from hoping too hard. But then again, what's life without hopes.

I think the only key to survive in this world is to stay strong, and just keep going.  After all, we all in this world are heading to the same destination, only the routes that we take are different.

I got my heart broken today, and thats alright.

I can survive failure. I will.

Alhamdulillah. :)

Yellow people, Selamat Berpuasa.. 
Hows it going so far? i hope its going great for u as it is for me.. :D


Remember i told you i was doing an interview with newspaper before? well the article is published today.. Its nothing great but i hope its a new beginning for me..




i've paste the article , here how it goes :


Suzana impi bergelar penerbit berkaliber

Baru sahaja menamatkan pendidikan dalam jurusan penyiaran di Universiti Lim Kok Wing, Disember tahun lalu, gadis manis ini sungguh bernasib baik kerana berjaya mendapat tempat dalam bidang yang diminati.

Tidak pernah menduga dirinya mampu bergelar penerbit eksekutif di Rumah Karya Citra Sdn Bhd dalam usia yang masih muda, gadis kelahiran Kampung Baru, Kuala Lumpur ini menganggap kerjayanya itu sebagai rezeki.

Menurut Suzana Ahmad, 26, diberikan kepercayaan untuk menggalas tanggungjawab tersebut merupakan kenangan termanis dalam hidupnya.

"Alhamdulillah, biar pun pengalaman dalam bidang ini masih cetek tetapi masih ada pihak yang sanggup memberikan ruang kepada saya untuk memegang jawatan ini.

"Saya anggap semua ini sebagai satu cabaran untuk menjadi penerbit yang berkaliber satu masa nanti," katanya yang bernaung di syarikat milik pengarah, penerbit dan pelakon terkenal, Erma Fatima.

Berkongsi mengenai pembabitannya dalam bidang ini, Suzana berkata, ia bermula ketika dia terlibat sebagai petugas sambilan dalam program realiti terbitan Suhan Movies Production, Pilih Kasih.

"Masa tu memang saya banyak terlibat dengan pelbagai kerja sambilan. Bagaimana pun, saya tidak lupa untuk mencari kerja tetap. Beberapa bulan selepas itu, saya akhirnya diterima bekerja di sebuah syarikat.

"Jika diikutkan, kerjaya saya di syarikat itu sudah memadai namun kerana minat dan tawaran yang diberikan oleh kak Erma sangat menarik, saya menerima jawatan ini," katanya.

Jelasnya, dia mengambil masa yang panjang membuat keputusan untuk bekerja di bawah Karya Citra.

"Sebenarnya saya sayang nak tinggalkan kerja lama, tetapi ini adalah apa yang saya inginkan, jadi saya tidak boleh melepaskan peluang yang ada," ujarnya yang pernah bertugas di 8TV sebelum ini.

Mahu jadi seperti Erma Fatima

Bagi Suzana, peluang bekerja bersama Erma Fatima adalah pengalaman yang sangat berharga.

Jelasnya, sebagai orang baru dalam industri ini, dia berbangga kerana dapat menimba ilmu bersama penggiat seni yang dihormati itu.

"Syukur sangat sebab bekerja bersama Kak Erma sangat seronok. Memang dia seorang yang tegas tetapi dia tidak pernah membezakan pekerjanya.

"Malah, dia melayan saya seperti adiknya sendiri. Jika ada sebarang masalah, dia lebih senang berbincang dengan kami," katanya yang menganggap Erma Fatima sebagai idola.

Berkongsi mengenai kariernya, Suzana berharap dia dapat memberikan yang terbaik sepanjang berkhidmat di situ.

"Kalau diizinkan, biarlah saya di sini sampai bila-bila. Selagi mereka memerlukan saya, selagi itulah saya akan menunaikan tanggungjawab yang digalas dengan baik.

"Lagi pun, saya mahu menjadi seperti Kak Erma, dia tidak pernah mengenal erti jemu dalam bekerja. Bahkan, dia boleh bekerja lebih 12 jam sehari," katanya yang turut terlibat dalam penggambaran drama Dejavu Di Kinabalu yang sedang disiarkan menerusi slot Akasia TV3.

Teruja projek pertama

Teruja dengan projek pertama yang berunsurkan program realiti, Suzana berkata, dia berharap projek sulungnya itu akan berjalan dengan lancar.

"Ini adalah projek pertama yang saya kendalikan sepenuhnya. Semua tanggungjawab terhadap projek ini digalas oleh saya.

"Memang ada cabarannya daripada segi mendapatkan peserta, pengurusan krew dan lokasi, bagaimanapun, dengan bantuan rakan sekerja, saya dapat menanganinya.

"Apa pun, ini baru permulaan. Masih banyak yang perlu saya lakukan. Selagi ia tidak dijalankan, saya pasti bimbang. Sudah tentu saya mahu projek pertama ini sempurna di mata pihak syarikat," jelasnya.

Bercerita mengenai perancangan masa hadapannya, ujar Suzana, dia memasang impian untuk menerbitkan sebuah program realiti yang mampu diangkat ke peringkat antarabangsa.

"Mungkin mustahil bagi orang baru seperti saya, tetapi insya-Allah, jika diberikan peluang, saya akan cuba merealisasikannya. Biarlah program realiti yang diterbitkan itu setanding dengan produk antarabangsa," katanya mengakhiri perbualan.

PROFIL

NAMA: Suzana Ahmad

TARIKH LAHIR: 15 Januari 1986

TEMPAT LAHIR: Kampung Baru, Kuala Lumpur

BILANGAN ADIKBERADIK: 4 orang (anak bongsu)

PENDIDIKAN: Ijazah Penyiaran, Universiti Lim Kok Wing

== they spelled my name wrongly *sob-sob*.. and my qualification's field of study is also wrong, hahaha.. 

but for full article, check out the news online at http://www.sinarharian.com.my/personaliti/suzana-impi-bergelar-penerbit-berkaliber-1.69573

p/s : don't tell others k? its a secret between just u & me.. i trust you.. ;)

Counting My Blessings

hello peoples.. ( mcm ada org baca je, hahaha)


well, i don't know about you but i feel like our life is passing by so fast lately. Sometimes i wonder is it just me or things just changed drastically in every second.. hmm., perhaps its just me.. ;p


Anyways, its the month of JULYYYYY.. the second half of 2012 is beginning.. I'm so excited.. 
and July is actually a big turning point for me. cozzzzzz, my career begins in this month. Ok, lemme give u the 411.


I was working for a NGO organization since march.. It was a very good experiences, and on top of that, it teaches me to appreciate the life that I'm having a lil better. I was been given a chance to help the less fortunate community and seeing their struggle in life first hand, was definitely an eye opening experiences. 


And then i met someone , a very well influenced figure in the broadcasting world. At first, i was asked to do a proposals for a new show for her. And in late april, she offered me to work with her company. I was hesitated at first, coz i love my job (the NGO).


After several meetings with her (which my current boss right now, hihi), i finally accept the offer and officially begin with her company in July. So i had to quit from the NGO in early June, start lightly on my upcoming job and here i am today, writing this post in my room at my new office.. taraaaa :D


So yesterday, i went to Karangkraf (with hafiz, yeayy..), one of the biggest publisher in the country. They wanted to have an interview with me for their publication. So i set the day to yesterday, and they were asking about my new career, how did i get here, how did it started, yada yada yadaaa... And i had to pose for photos ( eyewwwwww ).




I think from time to time i will reveal what am i doing ( my job ) right now, but as for now, lets keep it discreet first k? heheee..


U see, after that interview, on my way back to KL, i can't help but to think, how far have i come now,the journey i mean. Last year on this very date i was on my semester break, going on a trip to Penang. was still a student at that time... And by day goes by, the responsibilities keeps increasing, tough one i must say, but truly wonderful. Again, today, people are calling me to set for another interview for a magazine.. Wow, how my life have changed. 


But i wouldn't be here also if it wasn't for the supports system that i have surrounds me.. There are my family, real friends & my loved ones. They mean the world to me, and without them, i don't think i can even stand today, they are my backbones. 


Not in a million years that i would dream to be where i am today so soon. It makes me think of a quote someone used to say to me before, "we can't write the future".. i guess he was right.


So to my ex-employer & ex-colleagues, thank you for the encouragement u guys gave to me on my new job. And to Kak Shahani ( my wonderful ex-boss), thank you for being so nice to me when i was working for your organization. its been a complete privilege to have been a part of your organization and i wish you & the rest the best in future.


And to my current boss ( i call her mama), thank you for giving me this opportunity and have faith in me. You took a big risk on hiring me for this position, and in return, i will make sure u won't regret your decision. 




Cant wait whats the 2nd half of 2012 have in store for me. Lets do this marines (hahahahaha)


Xx

She's off to a better place

remember i mentioned about fluffy-tail on my first post? well, fluffy-tail is actually a cat, a stray cat that has been nothing but wonderful to me. 




I still remember when Fluff (nama manja fluffy-tail) first came to my house. it was in March last year. now let me tell u one thing about fluff.. she is the most irritating, annoying, and clingy cat Ive ever met.. she'd MEAAUUU non stop every time she sees me, and no matter how many time i asked her to be quiet but she won't. she just dont care, she will still kept meauuuu-ing. (attitude problem i tell ya).. 


and she would followed me around as if she were having separation anxiety or somthing.. everytime i reached home, no matter how late, she will still be up waiting.. she would run to the driver's side and wait till i open the door.., and walk me to my house door ( sweet x?) 
and while i was trying to unlock my lock-pads, she will cling around my legs, nak manja2 la konon.. at first i always gets irritated by that, like i said, fluff mmg ada attitude prob.. haihhh.. 


and she will run into the house as fast as she can once the door is opened.. and i had to chase her around the house, carry her outside back again.. ( thats why i dont need gym membership ). it happens so many times, EVERY SINGLE DAY.. but thats one thing that i like about fluff.. she was the epitome of "never give up"..  coz from feeling annoyed with her presence, i started to love her.. it makes me happy to see her waiting for me everytime i reached my driveway and while walking to the door, she would meau meau and meau to me, as if she was telling me about her day.. 


she is more than just a cat.. she was a friend.. tho we both are having a communication barrier and dont understand each other's language, sometimes i feel like fluff understands whatever things i told her.. hmm, i know i sound cuckoo now ..


since i dont know about her history, i decided to celebrate her birthday on every 9th of every month. so every 9th, i will treat her with her fav food (ikan goreng yg bibik masak ok, fluff x main cats food in the box all).


but now, she's gone.. fluff leaves me and gone to cat's paradise. seriously, it breaks my heart everytime i reached my driveway and fluff is no longer to be found. i feel so empty..


i hate you for leaving me fluff..
now i have no friend to play the swing with... :"(

Truth Is, I Cant....

If only i could turn back time,

if only i could go back to where i stood months ago, and tell myself Im going to regret the decision i was about to make.

almost a year ago, there was a road in front of me that was divided into 2, and i could not travel both. a decision has to be made quick, so i chose the one that was less travelled by, and ever since that day, not a single day passed by that i not think about it, and it is eating me inside bit by bit.

i was supposed to be the one who defended him, but instead, ive hurt him the most. and i can never forgive myself for not protecting him, truth is, i didnt even try.

not a single day passes by that i not fantasize about what would it feel like to have him around. there are so many things that i could teach him, a lot of things i want to show him, so he could be a better person than i am.

if only i were to be given a chance, i would trade everything i have, and everything that i will, just to go back to that day when i decided to give up on him.

what i did to him was so cruel, and im going to carry this guilt for the rest of my life.

if only i could turn back time, i know i can turn this thing around and make it better.

if only i can go back to months ago... maybe right now, today is going to be his happiest day.

but...

truth is, I CAN'T

and I'm not asking him to forgive me, I just want him to understand...

Marching Away From March

so I started this month with the most unconventional, so unlikely me (yg tau tu tau laa.. hihihi )..

a lot of things have been going, and such are stated below as follow:

*my niece's birthday party ( she thinks she's a real princess -__-),

*working on a campaign

*busy with Iranian stories (Imma freelance writer btw, and March happens to be the beginning of Iran's calendar),

*been diagnosed to have a decease called "urticaria" (something like hives la, org melayu panggil gegata),

*had a short getaway in the city with my tatas (tatas means girls in Nai-tionary),

*learned to use 'Premiere Pro' (call me if you have editing job k, dah pro now, kan hafiz? hehehe)

and

*i got hired (my mom is the happiest person on earth as soon as i said I'm taking the job, coz she can stop paying for my phone bills :/).

so basically, Im juggling 4 jobs at the moment. i have a permanent job from monday to friday (10-4pm), i do news translation daily for Iranian online news website ( i do that every morning before i go to work), working on a campaign - which may i say..ahem ahem ~ that is actually produced by me and my friends (will tell u more later) that also requires my attention almost everyday, and on weekends, Im handling the LED for Pilih Kasih show (live every sunday, 9pm on TV2, promote sikit, hehe). which i also somehow still find the time to do the graphics for Pilih Kasih.. (usually every thursday and friday night) during my busy schedule.

i hardly get enough sleep lately, Im tired all the time. hungry all the time. taking steroids all the time (due to my urticaria thingy.the steroids is making my ass grow every second i tell you). i don't get to spend much time with my family and friends, and fluffy tail as well (missing them much). but thats just how it rolls, and i frankly enjoy it.

to sum it up, i think march was when my "new year" really started. i was kindda "dead" in january and february. and now Im humbly happy for being where i am today, to feel like as if finally everything is going on towards the right track, (life, career, and so on)... and to Him I'm forever grateful.

AND MARCH IS ALSO THE BIRTHDAY MONTH OF HAFIZ..

happy birthday hafiz. we fight a lot, we shared our sorrows, we laughed a buckets full of joy, and hopefully more to come. at times i do feel like strangling you, but lets put it this way, if i had to choose between spending the weekends with TAS at an island or at hayaki (his fav spot) and do nothing with you, make sure u have the red velvet cupcakes ready, coz u know that i'll be there :)

the victim in this photo is Hafiz. this one was taken during his birthday celebration last year. he was about to be thrown in the pool btw, muahahahahahahahahahahaha

Between The Storm & The Rainbow

So last night, i was FB-chatting with a good friend of mine. he has a problem, and felt like sharing it.. (Im a good listener btw :D)

He was left hanging by his girlfriend 3 month ago, without explanation, without solid reason. that girl simply, disappeared, just like that.

my friend was telling that his friends keep asking him to forget about her coz she's not worth it la, he deserves someone better la.. (standard script la, i think u should know kan). but the thing is, he can't. she was his love after more than 7 years being alone, and he loves her with all his heart (awww, sob sob)

after chatting with him, it makes me think, for all the hurtful things that our loved ones did to us, is it really not worth it to still love them? is it wrong to still holding on and have faith to the one who once makes us happy? and how do you measure wether or not something is worth holding and fighting for?

truth is, i don't know....

theres a quote that says "Theres always a light at the end of the tunnel".. but nobody has ever said what to expect when you're still in that tunnel, and what do you do in the dark, to get out of there to reach out for the light..

again, i don't know...

BUT

i think it would help if you have friend/s to be not behind nor in front you, but by your side to go through the darkness. i know its very difficult to find that kind of friend in today's 'dog-eat-dog' world, but trust me, in every enemy, there is a friend.. (faham x what I'm trying to say? )

so, to that good friend of mine.. i know you're going thru pain right now, and I'm sorry for that.. believe me when i say this,

I feel you.

but remember, theres always a beautiful rainbow after every storm. i know its true coz I've seen one..

Buckle up. Start the engine. Lets Go.

so where do i start.

perhaps i should start by telling u a lil bit bout me (besides the things that u can read yourself on my profile)

suzanna ahmad is the given name, and if you're lucky i'll let u call me nai.. :)

i'm 21 (ahem ahem), graduated 4 month ago, just got hired last week and my mom still paying for my phone bills. Hiiii... *waves* nice to know u too :D

as Im writing this, I'm at old town sri rampai, accompanied by Hafiz ( who is a pain in the ass actually, but don't tell him i said that , hihi) and Im bored.... i am bored to the extend where i googled "what people do when they are bored?" , and one of the result i get is "read".. and i hate reading, so i decided i should do the opposite, so taraaaaaa ;D

Im an animal lover, I go gaga for cats and if fluffy tail is not considered as mine, i don't own any pets (you'll know who/what/why/when/where fluffy tail is thru out my post, that if only u haven't died of boredom after reading this post)

i love high heels, but most of the time you'll find me in either my flats or flipflop. i hate pink to the core, but my bed sheet is in pink, my room's wall is pink, my curtain is pink ( @jyedesu @azaliaruslan @SignorinaNina @annmarianne are my alibi. if tak percaya go tweet them and ask)

oh Im a foodie (as if you can't tell).. ask me about any good food, its all at the back of my head.. Nyuummmm!

i have no hobbies, but i have a lot of dislikes. for example, i hate reading (I've mentioned that earlier didn't i), i hate doing laundry, i hate healthy foods, i hate exercise, i hate pastel colors, i hate cockroach, and at some point, i just hate everything..

what else what else.. perhaps thats all for now. write to you again soon..

taa <3